41. What’s up?
Ooops, sorry they didn’t mean to call. They meant to block you!
42. Can I talk to my dog, please?
Blocking access to the dog? What kind of horrible ex is this?
43. This isn’t happening
Pizza booty calls. They’re the worst!
44. Let’s hang out
Well, after 2 years of no-contact and no explanation, that’ll be a big no. Ghosting is frowned upon by most people who are on the receiving end.
45. Maybe it’s just the cocaine talking
Forget drunk texting. This is way better, ’cause cocaine is actually doing the talking for you!
46. Do you hate me now?
Well let’s see. You on fire + me with water = I drink water. How’s that for hate math?
47. I had a dream…
Was that dream next to your fiance? You know, YOUR FIANCE?
48. Nudes, not so much
Nope! New year, new standards, buh-bye!
49. That line never works.
“You up?” Not if you’re going to try to sleep with them, they’re not! Nice try, though!
50. Nice try
Forgot you texted? Did you forget that phones track time, too?